Last week FBI Director James Comey announced that the ongoing investigation into Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton's private messaging database would continue due to new evidence being presented.
"Recent investigations have found a startling amount of carbon within our own atmosphere that we believe to have originated from Secretary Clinton own fire shards," he said in his statement, "I know I'm not a climatologist, but I think I know what I'm talking about here. Where else could it all be coming from?"
Secretary Clinton and the Department of Justice expressed their disdain towards the Director's comments, saying such inflammatory rhetoric should be held until after the election. The Bureau responded saying:
"We've known about this evidence for some time now but we were waiting until we had a proper consensus among ourselves. We felt that 97% of the board wasn't sufficient enough to make an informed decision, but we're glad we didn't wait until things got too out of hand. That could've been a real disaster."
In other news regarding mishandling of information, the protests in Standing Rock, South Dakota have been sending up sparks of their own. You might have noticed the thousands of brave spectators checking in on Facebook to support the cause. Be sure to pat them on the back the next time you see them to honor their dedication to and knowledge of the situation.