Written by joseph k winter
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Wednesday, 26 October 2016

image for Secretary Carter to enter therapy over national guard veterans fiasco plus delirium over middle east
Mr. Carter's therapy scheduled for the hanger bay of undisclosed aircraft carrier

Spoof Investigations has just learned that the requirement US veterans pay back bonuses, given by mistake, has been suspended by Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter.

Mr. Carter has also been ordered into "therapy" by CIC Mr. Obama due to this problem with the veterans, which has been going on for years, plus other matters.

Therapy will take place inside the hanger bay of an undisclosed aircraft carrier, where a special section next to the aircraft and other equipment will be roped off and equipped with a couch.

Hanger bay ops will proceed at the same time.

The California National Guard have been particularly hard hit in this veterans fiasco, lured to bonuses ten years ago when military enrollments were declining.

Many were then found ineligible--a mistake by the military, not the veterans--and forced to pay back bonuses they had accepted, often crippling their household finances.

It took news coverage for the government to finally act in the form of Mr. Carter's order to suspend these re-payments. Congress has ignored the problem for years.

Veterans who had risked their lives received letters stating they would face "debt collection action" if they did not re-pay.

How this problem has affected mental health amongst veterans is now under study.

Mr. Carter is reported already troubled with the "confusion" of Syria and now Mosul, as to which group of allies he is supposed to be coordinating.

Both battle scenes, specifically in Aleppo and Mosul, are currently causing "dizziness" in Secretary Carter at this time, an ongoing problem.

"I have trouble standing up straight," he said yesterday.

This additional veterans' problem, finally sinking in to Mr. Carter and the Military Establishment, with the news of this veterans abuse spreading, was "the last straw" in his confusion-dizziness problem.

A spokesperson for Mr. Carter stated that what with al qaeda, al nusra, ISIS, and other militant groups fighting Assad and supporting the US position, his confusion over Syria keeps growing.

Then there's Turkey involved with a lot of bitterness over the Kurds who are effectively fighting ISIS but wanting their own territory in northern Syria.

And generally the problems in the middle east not only involve the US but Russia, Syria, Turkey, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Yemen, Israel and who knows who else.

To throw this veterans abuse on top of the overall chaos of US foreign policy has nearly overwhelmed the Secretary.

Accordingly, a session in the bowels of an aircraft carrier, with top psychiatrists smoothing the way on top of the noises of aircraft and machinery screaming here and there, will be just the ticket to put the Secretary back to his right mind.

He could also be bunked just below the flight deck if he needs to stay on a day or so as part of his treatment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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