Written by JennyNorthStar
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 26 October 2016

image for Taco Trucks and "Blow Jobs for Votes™" Battle for Voters

ONLY IN AMERICA - NBC News reported yesterday: "...that as Florida's early voting gets underway, several organizations including a labor union found a unique way to get Miami residents to the polls." "Many of them Latino, were greeted out front with taco trucks and a free shuttle bus to help them get to the polls downtown." Back on October 19, just before the last presidential debate, NBC News also reported a "wall" of taco food trucks lined up against Trump. Actually, it was more like three taco trucks whose owners were just trying to capitalize on feeding the attending crowds. But, it sounded believable and compelling. Obviously, NBC's reporters have a thing for Mexican food.

No, I'm not making any of this up. In fact, it took the collaboration of three NBC reporters Craig Stanley, Natalie Valdes, and Brian Latimer to write the less than 300 hundred word Florida taco truck story and create the dumb 48 second video.

I've warned readers that during this crazy, unpredictable election season - it is virtually impossible to distinguish between outrageous stories found on this site - compared to political reality and the main stream media's stories.

Yvanna Cancela, the political director of the Culinary Workers Union local 226 who helped organize the Florida event said: "Our taco truck drivers drove all night and day to get from Las Vegas to Florida." "Some of the taco meat is getting a little gamey because of the hot weather in the Nevada desert, but by adding enough hot chilies and Mexican spices voters won't be able to taste the difference."

When Yvanna was asked about whether the Clinton's Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign would compete for voters she said: "Everyone knows that the way to a man's vote is through his stomach!" "As you know, Latino men are known for their machismo and legendary sex drive." "So men won't be lured away by an offer of free sex for their vote, we added saltpeter to our tacos." Saltpeter, containing potassium nitrate, is a chemical compound known to aid in food preservation and diminish a man's sex drive.

The Clinton's Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign manager, Lucy Lewd, was outraged after hearing about the saltpeter laced tacos and obvious competing strategy to lure away male voters. Lucy said: "Yvanna can talk all she wants about a way to a man's vote is through his stomach, we know differently and aim lower."

Lucy Lewd went on to say: "In face of this new stiff competition, the Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign will be doubling its efforts to win over male voters." "After Madonna's offer to give men blow jobs for votes, late voting registration has gone through the roof." "Our efforts to hire enough Madonna segregate poll workers has been difficult." Lucy lamented: "Young women who normally would be anxious at the chance to be involved in Hillary's campaign, such as girls enthralled with the "Material Girl's" sexual allure, intrigued by "role models" Paris Hilton's and Kim Kardashian's sex tapes, buy Kylie Jenner lip kits, and purchase all their clothes at "Sluts R Us", now hate men after all the Donald Trump woman hater stories." Lucy added: "The women who have come out against Trump are so convincing and endearing, many of these young women have become lesbians."

Clinton's campaign chairman, John Podesta, who has been the target for weeks for all his revealing Wikileaked emails said: "This election isn't about tacos, blow jobs or lesbians, it's about American's number one enemy the Russians - who are meddling in our elections. "The Clinton campaign has already donated $100 million to upgrade the nation's voting machines to protect against Russian intervention." Smartmatic, a company controlled by billionaire businessman George Soros and who is a Clinton supporter, donating over $8 million to her campaign, has been rumored to be supplying all the new voting machines.

A computer technician, who did not want to be identified, described some of the anomalies he observed after installing the new voting machines at various precincts in Florida where early voting as already started. He said: "These new machines are really state-of-the-art, 12 inch color screens, a mouse-like pointing device, face recognition, and full audio capability."

He confessed: "The only problem is when the voter points to any of the Republican candidates, their names disappear - pointing to any democrat candidate - the machine lights up and starts playing "Happy Times Are Here Again." He added: "The presidential choices also seem a little biased." With the machine's face recognition software, it can determine if the voter is a man or woman or even determine race, such as Latino." "Any voter who tries to select Donald Trump for president is automatically given an electrical shock." "Hovering over Hillary Clinton for president, if it's a male Latino, a mouth watering plate of tacos appear on the machine's screen and the machine starts playing 'Cielito Lindo' - for other men, a video of Madonna in sexy lingerie sucking on a microphone is displayed along with the "I'm A Virgin" song track."

Make JennyNorthStar's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 5?

3 10 22 25
56 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more