Written by Johnny Moodis
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Topics: Girlfriend, accent

Tuesday, 9 December 2003

image for Girlfriend's Australian Accent Getting Annoying
Stevens and Irwin. Irwin's accent cannot be seen in this photo.

Todd Stevens, 25 of Gainesville, FL, says that the Australian accent of his girlfriend, Tamayra Irwin, 24, has gone from cute and charming to increasingly annoying over the past few months.

"Yeah, when I first met her I loved the accent, it was adorable," said Stevens, "But lately it's like, if I hear the word 'mate' one more time I'm gonna bash her head in with a meat tenderizer."

Stevens met Irwin last March while Stevens was studying abroad in Sydney. The two enjoyed a whirlwind romance for a few weeks and in the end decided to take a chance and move in together. Stevens rented a small apartment in Tampa and Irwin joined him after completing Sydney Nail Polishing School.

"He was like a little kid at first, asking me to say different words like 'monster' and 'beer' just to hear my accent," Irwin said, "Lately he hasn't been doing it. Frankly, whenever I try to talk to him, he just sort of walks away."

Stevens confesses that he's gotten to the point where the accent is annoying him so much that he's considering leaving Irwin.

"In all honesty, I'd like to get as far away from her as possible," said Stevens, "But man, she'd have to go all the way back to Australia, which I would feel bad about."

Complicating matters is Stevens' parents, who only get small doses of Irwin's accent and still find it to be the most irresistible thing on the planet.

"Ooooh, I love that girl!" said Linda Stevens, "I love it when she says 'shrimp on the barbie'. Adorable!"

Stevens, however, doesn't agree.

"Yeah, 'shrimp on the barbie', real funny," said Stevens, "The only thing more annoying than that f**king accent is the fact that my parents are crazy over it."

In a surprising twist to the story, Irwin declares that she is prepared to break up with Stevens.

"He's a nice guy, and I do like him, but he's got the smallest penis I've ever seen," said Irwin, "And I used to baby-sit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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