Written by pinkwalrus
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Saturday, 1 October 2016

image for Trump Adds NDA to Pledge of Allegiance
Don't even THINK about saying something derogatory

Always thinking ahead, presidential candidate Donald Trump added a non-disparagement clause to the American Pledge of Allegiance for when he is president.

Reciting the new pledge will legally restrict citizens from criticizing Trump, his family or any of his businesses, for all time.

Here's the revised wording:

"I pledge allegiance to the flag, and

hearby promise and agree not to demean or disparage publicly the Company,

Mr. Trump, any Trump Company, any Family Member, or any Family Member Company

or any asset any of the foregoing own, or product or service any of the foregoing offer,

of the United States of America,

and to the Republic for which it stands,

one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

The real estate mogul and reality TV star has used the NDA tool effectively for years in many relationships, and sees it working for him when ruling the country.

Trump has recently used a 2,200 word non-disclosure and non-disparagement agreement with his past campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, ensuring he does not criticize Trump in his new role as a CNN Commentator. This was so effective that Trump now has all his campaign phone volunteers who sign up online, Trump Red Dialers, sign the very same agreement.

Some have noted we have not heard much from Trump's past business partners during the campaign, and none of them spoke in support of him at the Republican convention. Maybe this really should not be a surprise.

Journalists speculate that the two Miss Universe contestants speaking out this week against Trump's fat-shaming and demeaning comments to contestants, both from the 1996 pageant, were under contracts signed before Trump took control in 1996, contracts that did not include such a strict non-disparagement clause.

Trump knows what works from experience.

"Always have a NDA. It's just good business. Everybody know it. It shows I'm smart."

Trump is aware that adding a non-disparagement clause makes the Pledge of Allegiance a bit long. He points out that he actually left out a lot. And he's flexible. He's fine with dropping the last 2 lines of the pledge to keep it tight.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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