Written by Olivia Romano
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Topics: New Jersey

Friday, 30 September 2016

NEW JERSEY-After receiving the call of a deeply disturbed woman claiming there were "a group of Muslims" outside her house, the Atlantic City police arrested all five of the perpetrators, stating they "looked like Ahmad Khan Rahami," a suspect in the recent New York and New Jersey bombings.

"I knew I had to call 911 when I looked out my window and saw a group of Muslims outside," Joan Collins, the woman who placed the distress call, commented. "I heard that Mr. Rahami was already arrested in Linden, but I just want to be sure. I mean, they may have got the wrong guy. You know how it is with these Muslims. They all look so similar. And I was always told that if you see something, you should say something. So I called it in."

"And even if none of them were Mr. Rahami, there sure were a lot of them," she continued. "I've heard that one in every four Muslims is a terrorist. And there were five of them outside my house. So statistically, one of them probably had a bomb."

Tim Lasking, the Atlantic City Chief of Police, was quick to assure Ms. Collins that she did the right thing.

"We take it very seriously when someone calls in suspicious Muslim activity," Mr. Lasking explained. "It doesn't matter that the bomber lived two hours away from here, and is presumably in custody. You can never be too careful with these things."

"We might have to let these guys go though," he said, while looking doubtfully at the five men he'd arrested. "Not only is the jail getting too full, but I'm a little nervous about putting all these Muslims in one place. They might coordinate to blow up the jail."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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