Investigative reporter, Amiko Aventurista, has discovered the recent fight between U.S. President Barrack Hossein Obama and Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte actually began last year in the Muslim holy city of Mecca. According to three independent sources, President Obama was in Saudi Arabia as part of his annual pilgrimage to Mecca to celebrate the Muslim Haj. President Duterte was also in Mecca looking for members of the Filipino Muslim terrorist gang, Abul Sayiff.
Reports indicate Obama was carrying out his Muslim duties by throwing seven stone at the devil, represented by three pillars also known as jamar?t. From the corner of his eye he caught the attention of President Duterte and "BANG" he missed the jaramat and hit Rodrigo instead in the left ear! The hit was direct and powerful causing a concussion. Duterte was taken away on the stretcher, but reports say he could be heard yelling in Tagalog, "Nabaril ako! Ibigay mo ang baril ko!"-I've been shot, give me my gun!
"When I threw the last pebble (well, actually it was a really big rock) I imagined the devil as Donald Trump. I hate that guy for exposing me as a foreigner born in Kenya and a Muslim. So, I threw the rock with all my strength. I'm sorry I hit Rodrigo, but #### happens. He is short, even for a Filipino and I'm surprised he got hit." Through the State Department, President Obama sent an official apology and offered President Duterte a one year free supply of Balikbayan Boxes for his entire extended family of 48 (Balikbay box are used by Filipinos ex-pats to send gifts back home). President Duterte declined the apology but kept the boxes.
At the G-20 summit in China earlier this month, Obama again tried to make amends by offering to share a joint with the Duterte only to learn the Filipino president is an anti-marijuana fanatic. Obama told his staff, "I should have thrown the rock a little higher-my bad. I going to grant more tourist visas for Filipinos and look the other way when they overstay their visas or enter into sham marriages just to get green cards. I'm hoping that will settle him down because that guy is "LOCO' and I don't want him on my bad side."