Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Thursday, 29 September 2016

image for Trump Announces, "I could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of my supporters a fat slob and she'd still vote for me!"

Mobile, AL--At a rally last week in Mobile, Donald Trump bragged that he could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of his supporters a fat slob, and she'd still vote for him.

When a reporter from The Mobile Register went out to a local trailer park to interview LeAnn Stubbirn, one of Trump's supporters, about the quote, she whole-heartedly agreed, explaining, "I'm five foot four, and weigh a hunnerd and ninety pounds, but if Mr. Trump came up to me and called me a fat slob, he'd still get my vote! He's a man who speaks his mind, and he's what America needs right now. Ain't that right, Eli?"

LeAnn at that point gestured to her husband Eli, who was passed out on a couch surrounded by empty bottles of Pabst Blue Ribbon. She continued: "Why, Eli here tells me all the time, 'LeAnn, you oughtta get your fat ass out of the trailer and find a job, to supplement my disability check. I cain't be the only wage earner in this here home!'"

"And you know, he's right! And if Donald Trump is elected president, he'll make America great again, and make sure that my fat ass finds a job in his first hunnerd days. I heard 'im say so, at his rally last week. Ain't that right, Eli?"

Eli belched, and then threw up.

"You'll have to forgive Eli his manners. He's been depressed since that Muslim from Kenya was elected president in 2008. That's why he drinks so--that, and the ache in his back still pains 'im. But Mr. Trump'll fix that, too!"

The reporter from The Mobile Register then asked, "But Mrs. Stubbirn, aren't you upset by all the horrible things Mr. Trump has said about women over the years?"

"No, not all! Mr. Trump ain't like all those career politicians from Washington. He's a man who don't mince his words. He speaks his mind. Ain't that right, Eli?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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