Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Tuesday, 20 September 2016

The Raleigh News and Observer is reporting today that an elderly man in a small town near Raleigh claims he was sexually assaulted while sleeping in a parked car in a shopping center.

According to the report the elderly man was sleeping in the passenger seat while his friend was shopping at Food Lion "I had pushed the seat back and was sound asleep when someone took the Handicap Parking placard from the rear view mirror and hung it around my neck. The next thing I knew she was sitting on my face! I could hardly breathe but I could never forget what I saw!"

According to the N&O the police rounded up several suspects and conducted a police lineup at the local station. It was standing room only as the suspects were told to face the wall, bend over and grab their ankles! The victim immediately identified the attacker however, due to the unusual nature of the ID process no charges have been filed. According to an inside source the attacker and the victim have, in fact, become engaged to be married and have started a dating web site!

The N&O reports the web site has garnered over one million hits in its first day on line. The site, Snatch/Match.web is accompanied by the song..."I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places," and states....."Where "tongue in cheek' is not just a manner of speech,...but a way of life!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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