Written by Will O'Brien
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Wednesday, 14 September 2016

image for Clinton Fakes Illness to Convince Voters She is Human

Chappaqua, NY-Democratic Presidential Nominee Hilary Clinton released a statement this past weekend stating that her dizzy spell caught on camera was the result of a case of Pneumonia. This alarmed many registered voters in swing states who were surprised to find out cyborgs were susceptible to Pneumonia.

Sources closest to Clinton have leaked that this sickness was an attempt to reassure voters in crucial swing states that Secretary Clinton is indeed human and eligible to take office if elected in November. Clinton's senior campaign strategists devised this faked illness strategy-Operation "Cough! Cough!"-following frightening poll numbers in Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania.

Recent results in these three states suggested that 27% of likely voters in Florida thought Clinton was an Autobot, while 21% thought she was a Decepticon. Likely voters in Ohio had similar figures to there counterparts in Florida (25% Autobot, 22% Decepticon) with the unique addition of 14% of likely voters believing that Secretary Clinton is currently in the process of being assimilated into the Borg.

Mark Johns, a Clinton Campaign Senior Political Strategist, remarked Monday that the campaign had growing concerns that independents would be hesitant to vote for a candidate they suspected could be hacked or reprogrammed. Mr. Johns' team of analysts found that 79% of registered independent voters preferred the traditional practice of politicians being bought.

Recently, Secretary Clinton has released statements to the press through her Facebook page and campaign website thanking her "human supporters" for their well wishes as she is recovering at her home in Westchester, NY. In further attempts to put voters' minds at ease, she mentioned that she was spending time with her dogs and "carbon-based husband."

Secretary Clinton and her campaign have yet to comment on the shipment of 400 new batteries Tesla founder Elon Musk delivered to their house earlier this week, as well as the rumors that the custom presidential seal arc reactor cover that was to be delivered to the Clinton's residence was delayed by the U.S. Postal Service.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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