Written by Don Grapper
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Wednesday, 14 September 2016

image for Clinton Camp Insists Stumbling Incident Had "Nothing to do with" Seeing Huge Puerto Rican Cock
Clinton Team Denies Site of Huge Puerto Rican Cock Made HRC Grow Faint.

New York (AP) - The video showing Hillary Clinton stumbling into her van and nearly falling before secret service grabbed her shoulders has fueled speculation that the Democratic Presidential candidate may be suffering from undisclosed health ailments, but it has also fueled speculation that what could be the nation's first woman President was "simply taken aback" at the site of a a Puerto Rican man's "giant cock."

Clinton spokeswoman Sandra Gomers denies Mrs. Clinton even saw a huge Puerto Rican cock before stumbling that day, though witness report that directly across the street from the van she was about to enter there stood a short Puerto Rican man with his cock hanging out. The cock was described by one onlooker as "truly enormous." The Clinton camp is downplaying the impact the cock had on Mrs. Clinton.

"The Trump camp is spreading rumors about Clinton fainting at the site of cock and implying that if she can't handle seeing a massive dong, then how is she going to deal with Putin lobbing a few nukes into Lithuania," said Gomers. "Well, even if Putin showed Clinton his cock while lobbing a few at the hapless Baltic NATO member, he would be well advised to keep in mind that his cock won't make Clinton faint and fan herself like some kind of southern belle, proclaiming the whole time "oh my! That rooskie man sure has a mighty large penis!"

Gamers did not say if Clinton would retaliate with American nukes in the event of a Putin launch on Lithuania and appeared uncertain as to whether the country bordered the Baltic Sea.

"Baltic, Capsian, Cock...What difference does it make?" Gomers said.

The Trump campaign denies spreading short Puerto Rican man showing Hillary Clinton his cock from across the street as she bumbled into her van rumors, and attributed the former first lady's fainting spell to a combination of undisclosed mental illnesses and experimental medication not yet approved by the FDA but used by CIA black OPS interrogators in Pakistan with no effect other than to cause prisoners to hallucinate.

"They thought we were giant Hindu lizards," said former Black Ops specialist Dan Smothers.

Clinton's Personal Physician said that it is not at all atypical for highly ambitious career women to grow light headed at the site of a huge cock, especially if the cock belongs to an "exotic" ethnic group, whom upper middle class "girls college types" have heard in whispered dorm room talk know all kinds of special sexual techniques.

Clinton's doctor retorted that was not the case with Hillary, that she has "seen plenty of huge cock," has never had fainting spells at the spectacle of a large organ, and doesn't believe "old wive's tales about Dominican Men shooting women off their cocks and out windows during their unusually forceful ejaculations."

"She has pneumonia and was dehydrated," he said. "And some other things too, throbbing warts and things like that, but those are none of your business and medical science doesn't really understand them anyway, so telling you would be pointless and just add to press speculation that Mrs. Clinton has a complex series of disorders making her unfit to be a desk clerk at a Ramada Inn, let alone have her shakey hand hovering precariously above the big huge red flashing button that says "Nukes" on it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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