Written by pinkwalrus
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Tuesday, 13 September 2016

image for Lost City of Atlantis Found in Lake Superior
Shuttleman geared up

"Everyone's been looking in the wrong place the whole time," announced 85 year old Dr. Emmett Shuttleman.

Shuttleman achieved his life ambition earlier this month when he discovered the remains of the lost city of Atlantis not in the Atlantic Ocean or even the Mediterranean, but in the Great Lakes of North America.

Plato, the ancient Greek philosopher, who wrote about a lost civilization from thousands of years before his time described its location as "beyond the Pillars of Hercules". About 80 miles Northeast of Duluth would loosely meet that description.

Shuttleman was asked how he knew the remains he found were from the fabled Atlantis.

"Well, there were a lot of broken and leaning white classical columns which you don't often see on the floor of Lake Superior. Usually it's just shipwreck, shipwreck and another shipwreck. These really stood out as something different. The quality of the marble columns was really something incredible, not like the columns you see on McMansions these days."

When asked what will happen next, Shuttleman reported he's already been approached by the government and by Disney, but he doesn't really consider what happens next his problem.

"My job was just to find the city. If they end up making the ruins an underwater theme park, I really couldn't care less."

What made him look in Lake Superior in the first place?

"Well, it definitely wasn't the first place I looked. But earlier this year I had a hunch. Things just tend to end up in the most unlikely places. I found my glasses the other day in the flour bin."

Can make you wonder what you would find if you just looked harder in unexpected places. Does Bigfoot really live in the everglades? The Loch Ness Monster in Norway? Proof of alien life in suburban New Jersey?

It takes dedicated, persistent, and possibly crazy individuals to find out. The truth is out there.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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