Written by JennyNorthStar
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 9 September 2016

NEW YORK - On Thursday, Fox News, True Pundit, and others reported while Hillary Clinton was taking questions during a live television Commander-In-Chief forum on Wednesday evening, a rumor was spreading among New York law enforcement circles about the former First lady's left ear. According to True Pundit, a source from the NYPD on set with the forum's security detail confirmed that the Democratic presidential candidate was wearing an "inductive earpiece." A zoomed-in image of Clinton's left ear showing a shiny reflection purported to be a stealth communications device was also published.

The True Pundit source also confirmed that it was the same technology used by Broadway actors to hear their forgotten lines and secret off-stage cues from directors. The ear piece is flesh-colored, thus it could be easily concealed. NYPD officers recognized the ear piece because they are accustomed to seeing stealth equipment during shows and conventions.

What wasn't reported as widely was a female bathroom attendant, also at the event, purportedly saw Hillary Clinton stuff a small stereo speaker system safely inside her bra before the cameras started rolling. It has been speculated that a Hillary Clinton Voice Impersonator, although difficult to find such a woman with an equally shrill and obnoxious voice, was waiting in the wings in the eventuality Mrs. Clinton had one of her coughing binges again. If and when the cough attack happened, the impersonator could continue answering questions off stage using the loud speakers, while Mrs. Clinton, presumably blue in the face from coughing, could at least lip sync some of the words. Adding fuel to the supposition fire, during the televised program, a rather stern, anxious woman, weaning a full headset was seen next to the television cameraman closely watching Hillary's every word.

Although the Clinton Campaign was quick to dismiss the ear bud rumors and dispel any concerns she cheated during the forum, they didn't rule out other speculations. Such as assertions by U.S. Air Force personnel that what people were seeing was not a listening device, but actually a drone transceiver. If needed, it could right her body during a fall, stop a coughing fit, and remotely control her speech. It has also been conjectured it could even simulate that phony smile of hers.

As with every Clinton controversy, her campaign team was quick to turn on a dime, and started leaking reports on how political donations climbed by over 40% after the "Buzz about a bud" stories hit the news airways.

Following is a list of "Buzz about a bud" donors, their reasons for now supporting Mrs. Clinton, and the amount of their donations.

American Public Gardens Association
"We the woman of the American Public Gardens Association, and some gay men, were tickled pink, almost giddy, when we heard Mrs. Clinton brought a "bud" to the first presidential forum." "Flower buds are our life - we now know Mrs. Clinton must feel the same." "We are voting for her simply for her love of buds and since she is a woman." "She is probably the best candidate for properly tending to the White House's Rose Garden."
Donation: $10,000

National Cannabis Industry Association
The president of the National Cannabis Industry Association said: "Man, that was one killer bud." "No, seriously: I bet it was really good shit." "Like, put it in a jar and hide it in your sock drawer and only bring it out on April 20th and your birthday really good shit. "I'm voting for anyone who brings a bud to a live televised debate!"
Donation: $1,000,000

Apple Inc.
An Apple Inc. spokesperson said: "We are now fully onboard with the Clinton campaign." "Seeing her wear a wireless earpiece is just what the doctor ordered for our new iPhones." On Wednesday, Apple Inc., introduced the iPhone 7 in San Francisco, which dropped the earphone jack and added wireless Air Pods for listening. The Apple Inc. spokesperson went on to say: "The disappearance of the iPhone 7's headphone jack will probably annoy a certain amount of people, but once they see our next 'Commander-In-Cheat' wearing wireless earpieces, they would likely get over it."
Donation: - $10,000,000

Anheuser-Busch
An Anheuser-Busch spokesperson said: "Budweiser's 'America' 2016 summer campaign didn't have the impact we had hoped for after temporarily renaming Budweiser to the controversial 'America' rebrand." "Now with Mrs. Clinton bringing 'Bud' back to the media spotlight, when are going to change our beloved beer back to Budweiser." "Also, in honor of Mrs. Clinton's showing us the error of our ways, we are changing Budweiser's motto from 'King of Beers' to the 'Queen of Beers'." "Hey Mrs. Clinton: This Bud's for you!"
Donation- $100,000,000

Make JennyNorthStar's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

2 22 20 9
55 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more