Written by Keith Shirey
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Wednesday, 7 September 2016

image for Trump To Put Military Jobs In Every Congressional District

Donald Trump claimed today that the U.S. military has become "a disaster," and is "gutted" since Obama took office. "He only wants to spend $1 trillion to modernize our military," the candidate said. "That's not nearly enough, not enough because Hussein Obama hates our military."

"This illegitimate President, born somewhere in Africa, says he only wants 100 new B-21 stealth bombers Look, they cost more than $650 million per airplane. And we really need at least 700 of them. That's just one example of why we need to spend trillions and trillions on our military. We love our military. We love our veterans. We love our homeland," said Mr. Trump.

"But the homeland needs jobs. We're going to put jobs making military equipment for the troops we love in every congressional district in every state in America if I'm elected. And, by the way that will ensure GOP control of the Congress, said Trump.

"It's time to put America back to work again and what better way than to support our military, which we worship, by making weapons of mass destruction to destroy ISIS and other horrible groups founded by Obama and Clinton," said the GOP candidate.

"And by the way, since we're going beyond waterboarding, we'll be making sophisticated, new, beautiful instruments of torture which will also provide plenty of jobs," said candidate Trump. "Of course we can make the traditional implements like the rack, screw, and the chair of no return," stated Trump.

"We love our country and we will be one nation, under God, united in our military might and the love of our flag. We love our flag," he said as he ended his presentation.

The speech probably sounded better in the original German.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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