Written by Don Grapper
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Topics: Hillary Clinton

Tuesday, 6 September 2016

image for Hillary Clinton's Coughing Fits "A Combination of Semen and Public Hairs"
Clinton Gags on Pube Just Sucked Off VP Nominee Tim Kaine Before Launching Into Attack on Trump's Love of Putin

Washington DC - They were supposed to be redacted, but portions of FBI summaries of interrogations with Hillary Clinton were leaked to the press today, showing the Democratic Presidential Candidate alleging that her frequent coughing fits are not due at all to poor health, but stem instead from public hairs stuck in her throat from recent blow jobs, and on occasion, trickles of pecker snot still dripping down her esophagus.

Clinton explained to agents that the one thing she learned from her husband's White House affair with Monica Lewinsky was that "it never would have happened had I been more dutiful and got on my knees in front of my man and milked his dong like like a new born calf, only the calf doesn't tell it's mom to come all over its face," the document states.

Speculation has abounded that Clinton may have health problems and her recent spate of coughing fits have added fuel to the fire to rumors that she may be hiding some ailment that disqualifies her from becoming President.

The agents interrogating Mrs. Clinton weren't even asking about the coughing, except to ask if she needed a glass of water. It was Clinton who kept talking about all the cock she sucked and how the semen and public hairs from the blow jobs were constantly getting stuck in her throat. At one point she told the agent he knew how it was, and he said he didn't and demanded to be replaced with a lesbian.

The transcripts of the interview seem to suggest that Clinton took to sucking dick like a duck takes to water and alleges to have ben coughing on public hairs and semen trickles belonging to Sidney Blumenthal when she told her aides to comply completely with all provisions of the Freedom of Information Act.

"I guess through all the gurgling noises caused by all that hymie lawyer pecker snot and my gagging on his wirey pubes" Clinton told agents, "they heard me say "delete all Benghazi emails, when in reality I was screaming 'God Damn It - The American People have a right to know that their government is doing!." Clinton told agents that she's not the first Secretary of State to be misquoted while slurping on a penis.

Rumors in the Clinton press pool are circulating that she blew the pilot on a recent flight described as "turbulent" though the skies outside were perfectly blue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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