Written by Mike Peril
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 4 September 2016

image for University Professor Uncovers Vast Human Cloning Program
Karl Marx, among other leaders, has been cloned

Worcester, MA - A local University economics professor has reported seeing Karl Marx lingering in his classroom, masquerading as a janitor. After questioning, the Marx lookalike admitted to being part of a vast secret program where historical figures have been cloned. They are educating themselves while working at odd jobs at universities across the United States.

The clones are in touch with each other by Instagram. Their "pod sponsor" plans to reassemble them in five years. The pod plans to become the world's greatest "peaceful think tank."

The Marx lookalike, who goes by the name John C. Smith IV, is part of the "world leaders division", which currently includes clones of Winston Churchhill, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, Mahatma Gandhi and Vladimir Lenin, all in their young twenties and named John C. Smith to better blend in.

Notably, the Marx lookalike stated that the FDR clone is a great long distance runner, having been vaccinated against polio, and the Lenin clone has an updated look sporting a "man bun". Meanwhile, the JFK clone is a bit of an "out of control ladies man who likes Cuban cigars" and a twenty-something Reagan clone goes out drinking with theater students and is struggling with dyslexia. Smith IV finds the Gandhi clone to be "a most annoying little man" and Martin Luther King clone "is passionate but quotes the Bible too much."

The clones were made from their own hair and nail samples stored in museums, and in Lenin's case, from his glass entombed mausoleum in Moscow, where his hair and nails still grow on his corpse.

Students on campus did not recognize the young Marx clone and did not seem to care about the discovery when asked. Some thought he looked like Sigmund Freud, others more like Santa Claus.

Smith IV noted that the American students are "kind of sheltered as they hide behind their phones, watch a lot of senseless videos, and talk a lot about gaming, robotics and getting rich off apps" adding that "no one just thinks anymore."

During several vodka shots with the professor, Smith IV mentioned other pods, such as the music division, which includes clones of John Lennon, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Frank Sinatra and Buddy Holly, and a newborn Prince. Smith IV mentioned that these clones, other than Prince, are still toddlers living with their host families.

The university professor, who grew up in a Russian communist state but asked not to be named, said he was cautiously impressed. "Mr. Smith knows a lot about communistic economic theories. He disavows entirely Das Capital as being pedantic, didactic and tautological. Now that he is in America, he wants to write Volume V and call it Da! Capital or Mas Capital. I think America has rubbed off on him."

Make Mike Peril's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 5?

3 10 25 4
39 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more