Written by K.C. Bell
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Thursday, 18 August 2016

image for Donald Trump's First National Security Briefing
"Yes, we're from Fredonia and Sylvania."

Donald Trump endured his first two-hour national security briefing without falling asleep. Initially suspicious of the intel and fail to receive the entire picture of the world trouble spots, he walked away impressed by the FBI revelations about the serious and eminent conflict between Fredonia and Sylvania. He was said to have whistled in amazement, nodding perceptively and requested a can of Pepsi for quick energy.

Chris Christie, who accompanied him, requested a hamburger, French fries and a chocolate malt to wash away his dismay at the situation between Fredonia and Sylvania. He asked for extra ketchup.

Trump became incensed that Christie was adding ketchup to his hamburger. "You don't add ketchup to a hamburger. You only add mustard to a hamburger."

"You're thinking of a hotdog. You only add mustard to a hotdog. In Jersey, we use the ketchup on hamburgers."

Trump then turned to the FBI panel across the table and apologized for Christie's questionable eating habits, lamenting that ketchup was never used on hamburgers at the Trump Tower restaurants or casinos or hotels, or universities.

"Shall we continue," offered the FBI agent.

When informed that Fredonia's Secretary of War, a Mrs. Teasdale, was habitually suffering from PMS, Trump slumped in his chair and passed out.

"Can't talk about women's plumbing with the boss. That's why he has this issue with ketchup. Whatever you do, keep the subject of women above the waist and below the neck."

The FBI agent nodded.

Trump was quickly revived, given a can of Pepsi, served in a crystal goblet with Trump's named etched on the rim, (he travels with his own crystal and china). The briefing resumed.

The FBI agent announced that Mrs. Teasdale should be going through menopause soon and it is hopeful with the absence of PMS symptoms and the use of tampons and sanitary napkinsā€¦

Trump was reported to have gotten up from the conference table and staggered to the exit.

"Boss, I haven't had my hamburger with the ketchup."

"You're fired. See that Fredonia divorces Mrs. Teasdale and hire a younger Secretary of State. Have her sign a prenup."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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