Written by Michael Balton
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Sunday, 14 August 2016

image for Forget the Debates. Let's Find Out Who's the Best Liar
Is my pants suit on fire?

New York City - - Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have agreed to cancel their upcoming debate schedule. Instead they will square off in a competition designed to determine who among them is the best liar.

"Being able to tell a mistruth is in my opinion the most important skill a chief executive can have," said Clinton. " In fact I think it's safe to say that the president of the United States spends most of his day stumbling from one lie to another. This competition is going to simulate that evasive journey. And it will tell the world once and for all which of us is the true dean of deceit."

Donald Trump agreed. "Lying is at the heart of every deal ever made. You can't have a deal, if you eliminate lying. The truth is boring. The truth is annoying. The truth is for losers. That's why I took up professional lying at an early age. I have huge potential when it comes to making up things out of thin air. I am a world-class liar and this competition will prove it for the whole world to see."

The Democratic candidate made similar claims and pointed out that Trump has been calling her "crooked Hillary" from the very beginning of the presidential campaign.

"Calling someone Crooked Hillary is not chopped liver my friends," Clinton said. "It is a mark of honor. He tells the world that I can successfully maneuver through a sea of mistaken integrity and hook myself a whopper whenever I need one."

Trump immediately denied calling Clinton crooked Hillary. Reporters countered by playing clips of him using the term. He came back by saying he was "just being ironic."

"I'm not sure what ironic means but it has something to do with half truths which I eat whole."

Clinton countered by addressing a concern of the press. "Having a fib off instead of a debate takes the heat off you reporters as well. You can stop worrying about which of us has the most integrity. The answer is neither, none, zero, forget about it."

The fibbing face-off will take the form of a television quiz show, presenting categories such as impropaganda, Cheat to eat. You say potato, I say you're a liar. And fake the nation.

For safety reasons, contestants will be issued fireproof pants.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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