Written by joseph k winter
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Thursday, 11 August 2016

image for Trump sues his own mouth following diagnosis of rare disease first described by Shakespeare
Contacted in Heaven, Mr. Shakespeare tweeted "Mr. Trump does look like a Jack Cade to me."

GOP candidate for president Mr. Donald Trump is currently taking himself to court in a suit against his own mouth and its insinuations.

Mr. Trump indicates he might be persuaded to call off the suit (with sufficient monetary compensation), but only in the event his mouth curbs itself from future "dark barbs in the direction of an opponent," affecting his candidacy.

At issue at this time is Mr. Trump's remark aimed at Hillary Clinton involving the second amendment:

"Hillary wants to abolish the second amendment. By the way, if she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is. I don't know."

Mr. Trump's remark has been interpreted in a range from he meant "if so, you second amendment people really need to get out to vote against her" to "if so, you second amendment people, with your guns, could put a stop to her."

A considerable manure storm has developed, relating to other possibly innocent comments from Mr. Trump, including "knock the crap out of him" and "I wanted to hit him so hard his head would spin, literally."

In short, his mouth (which Mr. Trump denies responsibility for) has suggested he favors violence for political solutions.

A medical team headed by Dr. Phillip Swinigan (pronounced "swine again") has determined Mr. Trump's verbal problems belong to the field of "eruptometrics," which includes ore furo ("mouth run amok") and de lingua imperium ("tongue out of control").

Mr. Trump's specific ailment is known as ejaculadis mentis, or "Jack Cade Disease."

This illness was first brought to light by Shakespeare in his Henry VI, part 2, with the character Jack Cade, a rabble rouser, who anticipated Mr. Trump as with, "My mouth shall be the parliament of England" (IV, vii, 11-12).

Mr. Trump has voiced admiration for this character, telling Bill O'Reilly of Fox News that he likes the idea that "My mouth could be, you know, the controller of the United States, and the globe in general."

However, Mr. Trump also acknowledges that, at times, his mouth descends toward "too mouthy," which takes up his time defending and correcting.

He told Mr. O'Reilly, "It's like having an infant that's too often rebelling against me, and needs a good dose of the belt."

Hence to his lawsuit, which he hopes will be adjudicated by someone with an Anglo-Saxon name, if possible.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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