Associated Press, June 18, 2032: Donald Trump today disputed the results of his own autopsy.
"I do not suffer from Whinorrhea," he stated. Trump insisted that President Clinton had tampered with the results, and claimed that he had seen television footage showing Clinton "messing around" with "something" during the procedure, "just like the footage I saw of her slipping poison into Vince Foster's tooth glass."
Trump demanded that a second autopsy be performed and predicted that he would "win big, the next time."
Former Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell had no comment, but former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan said that he could not rule out tampering with the former republican standard bearer's brain.
Dr. Grind M. Upp, the pathologist who performed the autopsy on Trump, cold not explain how it was possible that Trump could speak to the press after his brain had been removed, but said that he was willing to repeat the procedure, if necessary, to confirm the results.
Associated Press, June 19, 2032: A second autopsy confirmed the results of the first one performed on Donald Trump, and revealed also that the former presidential candidate had hands even smaller than previously reported.