Written by Lyndon
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Friday, 5 August 2016

image for Trump admits he'd have dated his mother if she hadn't been, you know, his mother
An unidentified party guest tries to suppress a giggle behind Mr. Trump because of where Mr. Trump's hand is located

Denver, Co. - In an effort to deflect the negative press he's been getting the past few weeks, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump stated this week that his mother, Mary Anne Trump, who passed away in 2000 at the age of 88, was such a good looking woman that he would've dated her himself had he not been, well, her son.

Mr. Trump has received a great deal of grief for comments he has made regarding his daughter, Ivanka, commenting on several occasions that she was so attractive that he'd date her himself.

Some people inside the Trump campaign reportedly tried to dissuade Mr. Trump from entering into such a conversation regarding his mother. Yet again, however, the Republican candidate seems to have ignored his advisors' words of wisdom.

Said Trump at a Denver fundraising dinner, "So I liked the way Mom bent over? I'm not afraid to admit it."

When it was pointed out to the candidate that Mrs. Trump had walked with a bent back due to osteoporosis, Trump said, "Well, then I'm glad she laid off the milk."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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