Written by Michael Balton
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Wednesday, 3 August 2016

image for The tooth and nothing but the tooth: Donald Trump defends dental floss
Intercontinental Ballistic Dentures

New York - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has come down hard on the recent government report that calls dental floss "a waste of time."

"This is bad news, folks," Trump said. "First they rigged the dentist chair so they could play with your dental health. Then they "fixed" the economy so they could screw around with your mental health. And now they are taking the floss right out of our hands.

"I for one have been flossing for 30 years because I believe that molars matter," Trump continued.

Reaching into his inside jacket pocket, Trump revealed a plan to corner the dental floss market. "The stuff is selling for pennies on the dollar. I propose we create a national dental floss reserve so we never have to depend on foreign oral maintenance supplies."

The presidential candidate went on to call out the Obama administration: "we're not going to be tangled in your convoluted flossing recommendations. Next thing you know you'll be banning silly string. I don't see anyone laughing about that."

Supposedly, Trump was briefed about the nation's cavity control efforts in the same session he received his background training in the use of nuclear weapons."I just have to remember which is which."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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