Written by Amiko Aventurista
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Tuesday, 2 August 2016

image for President Trump Takes Credit for Puerto Rico's Economic Miracle
Puerto Rico

Speaking from the Oval Office on Christmas Eve, President Trump bombarded the American people with a summary of his accomplishments during his first four years in the White House and a sneak preview of his plans for his second term. After running through a list of 638 accomplishment, including a World Series Wins for the Chicago Cubs in 2019, exporting the idea of building "great walls" to China, and making Senator Ted Cruz confess that his father was in fact behind the JFK assignation, President Trump spent an unusual amount of time on what he called "My Puerto Rico economic miracle".

President Trump pointed out that in 2016, Puerto Rico was bankrupted and owed $118B to creditors and retirees. "When I entered the White House those fast talking mulattos were broke. I'm talking sooo broke they called me collect from a rotary phone to plea for help. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Am I right? I put my learning from Trump University to work and in no time the problem was solved."

When MSNBC reporter, Chris Matthews, pointed out that his Puerto Rico rescue plan succeeded not by designed but by accident a clearly irate President Trump wanted to fire back. However, the fast talking Matthews jumped in and reminded the President that his plan involved mass deportation of Puerto Ricans, and of course all Puerto Ricans, whether they are born on the island or mainland, are U.S. citizens. In rapid fire and without taking a breath, Matthews explained Puerto Rican living stateside volunteered for free "deportation" by the hundreds of thousands just to get a free round-way ticket to visit family and friends on the island. President Trump turned from orange to reddish when Matthews pointed out that Trump tried to stop the free "deportations" but the hotel and airline industry lobbied Congress to keep the program going for two more years and by that time the mass infusion of tourist dollars rescued the island.

A defiant Trump argued back, "Look I'm a deal maker. I do deals, ok. That's what I do. I make great deals. The best deals. Americans wanted a deal maker. Someone who can Make America Great Again. I even managed to make Puerto Rico great again. Everyone said it can't be done. You can't make great again what was never great. But after the Puerto Rico economic miracle I'm considering a new slogan for my second term: Making Great What Never Was Great."

A recent NBC poll taken on the island and among Puerto Ricans stateside, clearly show President Trump remains a divisive figure. Nevertheless, a 99 foot statue of President Trump will be placed in front of the main plaza in Old San Juan. The statue will be unveiled on June 14th, President Trump's birthday. According to several sources, the statue will be accompanied by a plaque that reads:

Dedicated to President Donald J. Trump from the Puerto Rican People. With this statue we honor your "sacrifice" to rescue Puerto Rico. We are honored to be counted among your countless sacrifices. You and Christopher Columbus, who 'discovered' us in 1493, will be held in equal esteem. May this statue keep your legacy alive for eternity. Your great literary master piece, The Art of the Deal, inspired us to make Puerto Rico Great Again without being great the first time. Only you could do that. With heart felt sentiment we say muchas gracias senor! We commit ourselves with upmost fidelity to live according to your creed. Hence, in your honor this plaza shall be known today and forever as the "Art of the Steal".


Although the White House would neither confirm nor deny the potential honor, President Trump did acknowledge knowing of Puerto Rico's intent. "About time. Even after all my sacrifices. They run on Puerto Rican time; always late. Oh, by the way, why only 99 feet tall? Making PR great again even though they were never great. No one else, and I do mean no one else, could have done it. I earned it and thousands more similar accolades from the 'little' people".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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