Written by pinkwalrus
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Tuesday, 2 August 2016

image for Shocking Discovery: Trump Actually Giant Puppet Operated by Spoiled Toddler
Does someone have a poopy diaper?

Many have been mystified by the behavior of 2016 Republican Presidential candidate, Donald Trump: his temper tantrums, nonexistent attention span, lack of basic empathy, inability to allow others attention or respect. But it took behavioral scientist, Dr. Amanda Patel, professor at U.C. Berkeley to put the pieces together.

"One day while setting some basic behavior boundaries for my two year old son, putting him in a time out for hitting the cat and then weathering his stormy reaction, all of a sudden I knew."

Dr. Patel looked closer at Trump's behavior on the campaign trail and cracked the mystery.

"There's too much toddler behavior here to be explained any other way: lying, yelling, hitting, and whining. This is not the behavior of an adult. Besides, how else do you explain that hair? That can't be real."

When asked to explain how a toddler has any popularity as a presidential candidate Patel chose to give two explanations.

"First, some people really wish they could be toddlers themselves. They see how Toddler Trump acts, and they feel liberated. We all know that fun feeling when someone gets to do what we wish we could do, like scream a lot. They then choose to believe in Toddler Trump's magical thinking. They are suddenly liberated from finding adult solutions to adult realities.

Second, another set of people feel parental towards Toddler Trump. Their parental instincts activate. They will forgive him anything. They don't want to upset their precious baby, by holding him to any sort of adult standards. They protectively stand with him against anyone who asks him to restrict his behavior in any way."

Patel admits she does not understand how the puppet works.

"Puppetry is not my area of expertise. I can't tell if the toddler sits inside the puppet or somehow operates it remotely.

And I have no idea where they got the child to operate it. Maybe Russia. Toddler Trump seems to really like Russia."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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