BILLINGSGATE POST: Bill Clinton, in his stem winder speech before the Democratic Convention Wednesday evening, spoke of how he first met Hillary as a young girl at Yale Law School. He raved about his future soul mate's virtues: "She wore no make-up, horn rimmed glasses, and had extra-ordinary thick ankles and hairy armpits. I was instantly attracted to her because she was the first human being I had ever met that could lie even better than I could. Quite frankly, that is the spiritual bond that has kept us together for these years."
"I know that some of you question how I could ever cheat on such a wonderful woman. My response is; I never had sexual relations with that woman!"
Squinting his eyes and biting his lower lip, the now graying serial philanderer can only wonder how Wilt Chamberlain scored 20,000 chicks before he died at the age of 63.
"Wilt once said; 'no one ever cheers for Goliath.' I can feel his pain."
"You might recall a few of my bimbos: There's Gennifer Flowers, Maria Furtwangler, Belinda Stronach, Naomi Robson, Markie Post, Patricia Duff, Elizabeth Gracen, Sally Perdue, Dolly Browning, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, and don't forget the fabulous Energizer Bunny."
AUDIENCE CHEERING: I NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN! I NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN!
"Thank you. Thank you."
"That, my fellow Democrats, is why Hillary deserves to be the first woman to ever be elected president of these here United States of America."
AUDIENCE ON ITS FEET SCREAMING: I NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN! I NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN!
BLOWING A WALK OFF KISS TO HIS ADORING FANS:
"You are giving me goosebumps just thinking about all those sweet little interns that will call me Daddy."