Written by DontCallMeShirley
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Wednesday, 27 July 2016

image for America Officially Placed on Suicide Watch, After Clinton, Trump Accept Nominations
American after watching RNC and DNC

Now that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have officially been named their parties representatives at their party's conventions, many Americans are in a dark place. Some were holding out hope that this catastrophe wouldn't actually happen, but now all hope for the future appears to be lost.

The CDC officially placed America on suicide watch, after it became official that Americans would have to elect either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton this fall. Many doctors fear that such a dismal choice of candidates this fall could cause many to seek a third choice, suicide.

"Many times when people lose hope for the future they attempt suicide, and with our presidential choices this fall I can understand why people are losing hope. There is a real possibility of a mass suicide occurring in America this fall," said Doctor Rumack.

I questioned the doctor, "Surely you can't be serious?"

Doctor Rumack replied, "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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