Written by StubbornGorilla
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

Gary Johnson, alleged Libertarian Presidential Candidate, used the key under your doormat to enter your basement while you were out buying some batteries from Radio Shack to hold his national convention.

"We didn't really need a lot of space, since there are only twelve of us in attendance," Johnson explained. "I would have done it at my own house, but I locked my keys in the car."

In attendance were Vice Presidential Candidate William Weld, Libertarian National Committee Chair Nicholas Sarwark, Vice Chair Arvin Voha, Treasurer Tim Hagan, Secretary Alicia Mattson and several At Large members including Daniel Hayes and some guy that calls himself Starchild. They also had a few stragglers they convinced to come with them by promising some coffee and donuts would be provided.

The convention lasted about fifteen minutes even with a very ceremonial distribution of said donuts.

Starchild asked if he could give a speech, but other unnamed attendees said, "please don't."

One member of the press that was called on the phone to inform them that they could cover the convention if they chose to. That member of the press agreed to have their phone on speaker to listen while the convention took place. Nicholas Sarwark commented that he did think he heard the unmistakable sounds of someone playing Bejeweled emanating from the receiving end of that call.

When Gary Johnson took the floor, rather than giving a speech, he played Will Smith's theme song from "Wild, Wild West" while William Weld performed the robot, and some very stiff break dancing moves.

"Overall, we are very pleased with the convention," Johnson exclaimed after things had wrapped up. "I am very enthusiastic about our party's chances this election cycle."

Asked if he was concerned over the lack of coverage, or the fact that about 80% of the population had never heard of him might hurt his chances, Johnson mused, "well maybe a little bit, but I don't think it will take too much to beat those two rascally ne'er do wells."

After everyone else went home Johnson and Weld politely cleaned up, and left everything as they found it with a thank you note left on your kitchen counter.

Make StubbornGorilla's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 2?

2 6 19 10
112 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more