Written by mikewadestr
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Wednesday, 20 July 2016

image for Leprechauns Sue Notre Dame Over Offensive Mascot
Free Feisty! But don't ask me for any gold!

The organization, Leprechauns United to Conquer Knuckleheaded Yokels which is, also, known as LUCKY has declared war on the University of Notre Dame over its use of a mascot. LUCKY has threatened the University in many ways ranging from law suits to frenzied protests, the worst being LUCKY's threat to sing dirty limericks about the school's professors throughout the campus such as:

There once was a prof from Notre Dame
Who's unfaithful wife brought him great shame
She did it all the night
'til early day light
When he would whack her bum with a cane

There is no end to LUCKY's actions of debauchery as it has just been rumored, they had starched the campus president's underwear and stole all the butter cookies from the school's cafeteria.

"Right now we're really stunned over this whole fiasco", lamented school president Johnny Stumped. "Taking them on legally is really going to be a challenge as they have very deep pockets seeing every single one of them has a big pot of gold buried somewhere. We might just have to fold and give into their demands which at this point are very unclear. The only thing they have provided us with are pages and pages of silly rhymes".

We managed to talk to LUCKY's main lawyer Larry Lackey who told us: "LUCKY has requested a cease and desist order for Notre Dame's Leprechaun mascot named Feisty. They find the idea of a Leprechaun having to work for a living instead of hoarding gold to be degrading. Feisty should be at the bar singing dirty limericks with all the rest of the leprechauns. They are adamant on freeing Feisty".

When asked how much LUCKY was willing to pay for their legal representative Lackey bowed his head and whimpered: "They haven't paid me a dime as of yet! The cheap bastards want everything for free. They told me I should be honored to hear their singing. Typical rich people, wouldn't you say?"

As of press time Feisty claimed he had no choice but to work as the school's mascot because he lost all of his gold when the housing market crashed in 2007. He stated without a job he would have no means to support himself as all of the other leprechauns are too damn cheap to lend him a hand.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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