BILLINGSGATE POST: Rejecting pleas from the Washington Post and New York Times for a sit-down interview, Hillary Clinton agreed to an in-depth interview with Dr. Billingsgate with no ground rules except that Dr. Billingsgate wear a pant suit that doesn't clash with pink.
Dr. B: First of all, do you mind if I call you Crooked Hillary?
Hill: Not at all. Do you mind if I call you Dr. Asshole?
Dr.B: So much for protocol.
Dr. B: Crooked Hillary, is it true that you once had sexual congress with Pocahontas while Your husband's parrot was squawking, "She hardly knew yee, Bubba?"
Hill: Keep Bill's parrot out of this. That bird has always been a destructive force in our marriage. He's even been taught to say, "Don't shoot bitch!" whenever I catch Bill in the rack with the Exercise Bunny.
Dr. B: William Safire, a respected journalist for the New York Times, once called you a congenital liar. Mr. Safire died in 2009. Was he correct?
Hill: I guess the truth can kill you. That's why lying is a better alternative. He's dead and I'm still alive.
Dr. B: FBI Director, James Comey, let you off the hook the other day. Even though he said you were guilty as Hell, he said that no "reasonable prosecutor" would pursue your case. Do you consider Loretta Lynch a reasonable prosecutor?
Hill: She sure is now. I guess when Bill met her on her plane in Phoenix the other day, they talked about her grand kids. I believe he phrased it this way; "Do you ever want to see them again?"
Dr. B: The old Vince Foster treatment. Works every time.
Hill: I suppose so.
Dr. B: One last question. If you are elected President, what will you do on your first day?
Hill: I will build a 40 foot wall around the White House and make Donald Trump pay for it.
NOTE: One of the perks in scoring twelve doctorates is that it gives one a certain poetic license. According to the Billingsgate Doctrine, elasticity in discourse should be used with discretion; something I adhere to with reverence.