Written by Matt Birkenhauer
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 5 July 2016

image for In Kentucky, Answers in Genesis Recreates a Biblical Flood to Float Noah's Ark

Williamstown, KY--Answers in Genesis, the fundamentalist Bible apologetics organization that advocates the Earth is only four thousand years old and even built a museum in Petersburg, KY, to prove that thesis, announced today that they were going to recreate a flood of biblical proportions in order to set afloat the new model of Noah's Ark it has built in nearby Williamstown, KY.

The new Noah's Ark Theme Park, set to open sometime in July, is expected to draw millions of visitors to Williamstown to witness God's wrath in real-time, apocalyptic action. Said Ken Ham, founder and CEO of Answers in Genesis, "We're trying to talk Governor Matt Bevin into damming up all the major rivers in Kentucky--the Green River, the Licking River, the Cumberland River, the Kentucky River, along with a few of the larger creeks--and then burst all those dams to prove God's awesome power, with the help, of course, of our state representatives in Frankfort."

Continued Ham: "We'll allow into our new exhibit only straight, white Christian men and women who can afford our cruise of the post-lapsarian world we now inhabit since Adam's fall. In fact, you can now relax on our cruise not only on the Sabbath but during the entire forty days and nights of the trip, while the flood subsides, with the likes of Pat Boone and Sarah Palin on board for entertainment and inspiration. Adam and Eve, of course, will not be on this cruise, since they are long dead, but there will be animatronic versions of our original sire, his wife, and their tens of thousands of children, in addition to samples of most species of fish, mammals, birds, dinosaurs, and insects in Kentucky."

The Lexington Herald Leader also reports that on this cruise will be James Dobson, of the Family Research Council, in addition to Hal Lindsay, whose book, The Late Great Planet Earth, predicted (over forty years ago), the imminent demise of planet earth through an apocalyptic hell storm let loose on humans by a warm and loving God. Hal Lindsay, at 86, still alive and active as ever, will call Bingo on the leisure cruise, along with the Rev. Pat Robertson. The Bingo proceeds will go to higher education in Kentucky, which was recently severely cut by Republican Governor (and evangelical Christian), Matt Bevin.

Make Matt Birkenhauer's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 1?

9 3 24 19
74 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more