Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 7 December 2006

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Not the first virgin birth to happen this time of year

The openly gay daughter of United States Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that she is expecting a baby. News of the announcement brought concern, curiosity, and speculation as to the identity of the father from Washington insiders, other famous lesbians, and the media.

Actress and talk show host Grossie O'Donnell said that "It wouldn't be the first virgin birth to happen this time of the year. And don't youse guys be makin' fun of her over this! I don't wanna hear no washin' hand jokes again or nothin' about Clay Aiken or the guy from Doogie Howser!"

Another famous gay actress, Ellen Degenerate, said that "the father is probably another one of those guys from Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. We really like to go to them when we need sperm donors, ever since Melissa Ethridge did it."

Sixty Minutes commentator Dandy Rooney offered the following commentary: "Did you ever wonder what the kid is going to do? Is it biological Mommy and Mommy's friend Mommy? Who gets to breast feed? Who gets to take the kid on father/child activities? Does the birth certificate have a place for two mother's names, or does one of them have to get listed as the father?"

The Vice President himself did not comment on the identity of the father of his new grandchild, but said that he did plan to take him hunting over the Christmas break.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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