Written by Don Grapper
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Topics: Penis, Paul Ryan, size

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

image for House Speaker Paul Ryan Unveils Cock and Alternative To Obamacare
Paul Ryan Tells Fellow Members How Big His Dong Usually Is Even After Falling Into an Icy Wisconsin Fishing Hole

Washington DC- Saying he wasn't elected House Speaker to "sit around with my thumb up my ass," Paul Ryan today unveiled his cock and a legislative alternative to Obamacare that was "streamlined and nowhere near as massive as the original." Ryan took extra care to point out that he was comparing his legislation to Obamacare, not his own cock.

"Everything is less massive compared to that," he told skeptical reporters.

Ryan told reporters that upon examining his proposed health care legislation they would find that it contained "common sense free-market principles that time and time again have proven to improve quality while driving costs way, way down." He then told reporters that if they were to examine his cock, they'd see that its girth was considerable, though not at all unseemingly thick.

"It is well proportioned to its length," he said, stepping aside from the podium. "Can anyone here say knee knocker?"

Ryan then regaled reporters with a two minute Helicopter dick session, asking them to clap along with the flapping sound made by his massive cock.

Ryan has been making headlines recently for his criticism of Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump, calling many of the controversial candidate's comments "beyond the pale."

After watching Ryan show reporters his cock on C-Span 2, Trump tweeted.

"Ryan shows dong to reporters and calls me distracting? Don't need endorsement from total perv. #Mineswaythe f*ckbigger"

Economists appear divided over Ryan's contentions that his legislative proposal will actually cut costs.

"No matter how streamlined he thinks it may be, it will prove unwieldy in its implementation," wrote midget economist Robert Reich in an editorial anticipating Ryan's proposal.

"Many urologists have said the same thing about my cock," Ryan said and then went on to say no one should take a midget named after Hitler's regime seriously and suggested also that when erect, his cock was just 4 inches short of being as tall as Robert Reich.

"Americans can't trust their health care in the hands of a bearded Garden Gnome," said Ryan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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