Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Leading Rovian ambassador and sometime Kazakh comedian Mr Borat has issued a stiff rebuke via his lawyers after press allegations in the UK that he is the sperm donor responsible for impregnating Dick Cheney's daughter Mary.
And in a separate development Israeli spoon-bending psychic Uri Geller has also refuted suggestions that his recent deposits via the Du Pont Circle branch of the Riggs Sperm Bank ended up in Ms Cheney's catchment area.
Accusations were first heard in a London swab facility where the comedy actor was undergoing some smear tests for unrelated libel matters.
His lawyers immediately filed judicial papers in the US Supreme Court stating that their client had been under heavy sedation at the time of the alleged insemination three months ago following a gruelling encounter with Reverend Pat Robertson's blind trust portfolio bagman. Thus he could not conceivably be responsible for Ms Cheney's gestation.
Meanwhile an Iranian website is hailing the start of a wonderous new relationship with the United States following President Ahmadinnerjacket's stupendously successful internet dating website which began bringing star-crossed soul mates together at the end of the summer.
Expect more news later this week.