Written by GProwler
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

image for Adult Diapers to Underwrite 'Oldchella' Concert Series
lines at porta potty

Depends Adult Diapers (D.A.D), has announced it will be a major sponsor of the upcoming Desert Trip Concerts this November in Indio, CA. The featured artists at the two weekend shows include the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney and other early practitioners of rock and roll.

A spokesperson said, "This is the perfect storm for our product. An event catering to older, quaisi-mobile attendees, roaming large open fields situated in the middle of nowhere spending endless hours in nomadic festival seating. Throw in an odd assortment of food,drink and opiates punctuated by periods of spastic movement, well it all leads to the inevitable urge to purge.

"Then it's a half hour to wade through a mass of overly ripe concert goers just to stand in line for what passes as a toilet at the campgrounds. And of course you have to find your way back.

"We want to address that problem with both generic and commemorative personal depositories. And not just at this venue but others such as political rallies, amusement parks, excluding water parks of course, TSA checkpoints and NASCAR."

With that in mind the company plans on rolling out a new campaign geared to younger consumers who see Depends as targeted for an older demographic. "There's a huge untapped void between early childhood and early dementia and other incontinence issues the elderly face." A spokesperson said.

"We're introducing a new line called 'Freedom' for the active generation. It will appeal to those who can't or may not want to interrupt whatever adventures they are pursuing - mountain climbing, biking, hake sack, riding the subway, eating an energy bar - to download personal waste.

"'Freedom means Depends' is the proposed slogan.' the spokesperson added. "It has a whiff on synergy yet is a term that actually is somewhat cutting edge Orwellian in nature."

Agreements are reportedly in place with not just the performers at this event but other bands and personalities as well. One partnership that was leaked to the press is with the Kardashians.

They will promote a line of Freedoms called 'Pooties' giving women the opportunity to personally create the bloated derriere look they're known for at a fraction of the price of an augmentation. Not to be outdone, Caitlyn Jenner will introduce a model suitable for both men and women called 'Jenders'.

One sticking point with local officials is a possible conflict of interest in the insistence that Depends manage the Porta Potties. The company has plans to use less than a dozen toilets where a recent Coachella concert series had over three hundred units.

The company issued a press release defending the limited portals. They pointed out they have to absorb the cost of retrofitting each unit to make them suitable for transgender users although they were not specific as to what that upgrade would need to be.

The spokesperson summed it up with "If you do the math they're a couple of compelling reasons why our product is for everyone- number one and number two."

Make GProwler's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 4?

9 11 22 7
82 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more