Omaha, Nebraska - Saying his "massive log hurt coming out, but no birth of a new era is without its share of growing pains," President Obama planted a massive yam in a girls' grade school toilet in Omaha, Nebraska yesterday.
A team of janitors are still working on unclogging the pint-sized toilet into which Obama dumped his load.
The shit was intended to convey to Americans that no little girl has anything to fear from a deep-voiced man entering her bathroom and dropping a deuce in one of the crappers.
"Little eight year old girls need to overcome their fear of visiting commodes whose water has been, just seconds before, touched by an old, veiny pair of hairy, sagging man balls," said the President.
On a tour of a middle school, the President continued to hammer home the theme that fear of men using women's restrooms is "irrational" and is the same mentality that "caused slavery."
"Change takes time," Obama said, backing into a clearly marked women's faculty restroom while unzipping his fly. "If anyone in here objects to me arcing a golden rope into a woman's shitter from ten yards while they apply their lipstick, then they need to check their gender privilege at the stall door."
First Lady Michelle Obama is on a separate tour. Aides to Mrs. Obama announced that she will kick off her own tour by taking a dump in a men's urinal at a private, conservative law office in Shreveport, Louisiana and from there, will continue on and take dumps in urinals throughout Republican majority Congressional Districts all over the Deep South and Midwest.
White House Spokesman Josh Earnest said Vice-President Joe Biden has no special plans to go on his own bathroom tour.
"The vice-President has been taking open-doored craps in women's bathrooms for years," Earnest says.
Asked if Earnest's claims are true, Vice-President Biden told reporters outside an Indian owned Dunkin Donuts, "You're God-damned right they are."
The President's team reports that he is eating unGodly amounts of cabbage, stewed prunes, and other ruffage so that "each news day's shit in a grade-school girls' can , and will be, more massive than the last."
The President has no intention of using air freshener or lighting a match after he lays his logs.
"Courtesy is a female social construct that has no place in modern society," the President told reporters over two bowls of oatmeal coated in Metamucil.