Written by DontCallMeShirley
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Wednesday, 4 May 2016

image for Senate on Suicide Watch as Cruz is set to Return

The rate of depression among Senators is expected to skyrocket following the news that Ted Cruz will return to the Senate after his failed presidential campaign.

Authorities are very concerned that members of the Senate may take drastic measures to avoid having to deal with that lying son of a bitch again.

"I thought my wedding day, or the birth of my kids would be the happiest days of my life," said Senator John McCain. "When I heard Ted Cruz would be leaving the Senate to campaign for president, I broke down with tears of joy. I knew it would be a day that I'd never forget."

The entire Senate is on suicide watch now as they struggle to cope with the fact they will have to deal with Cruz's antics on a daily basis now. "Never before have I wanted to contract a deadly disease so badly in my life," exclaimed Senator Lindsey Graham who previously compared dealing with Cruz to being shot or poisoned.

Some are hopeful that Congress may now legalize Marijuana so they can get high enough to deal with Senator Cruz's bullshit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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