Wayward New York guy, Donald Meanderson, was just inducted into the Alien Abduction Hall of Fame on the planet Zwinkie Meanderson, who is about as predictable as a football bouncing on the grid iron, gained his induction by predictively showing up where ever abducting aliens landed in the New York City area. He really didn't try to be abducted, it just happened that way. He was abducted 241 times in his short 41 years, as a matter of fact he was tagged 13 times over a 4 day period alone.
"The tags are a real pain to get rid of", lamented Meanderson. "They use this really super sticky stuff and they always put them on the most intrusive part of your body which makes it really tough to pull off".
"My wife, actually, liked the idea of the tags, it's just that she couldn't get a bar code reader to decipher them to find out where I was all the time".
"I am honored to be inducted into the Zwinkie Abduction Hall of fame" continued Meanderson. "They say I have by far the record for being abducted. Actually, the guy in second, J. Edgar Hoover, only has 121 abductions, so I guess you could say I'm the Wayne Gretzky of abductions. Third place is a tie between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump so this election runoff should be really interesting".
When asked what made him so abductable, he replied:
"I'm not too sure. I guess not complaining about all the intrusive probes they stuck into me is definitely a plus. And then there is willingness to learn the language which is pretty easy seeing that every word starts with the letter 'Z'. Their dictionary is pretty damn short, pretty much anyone could become a regular Earnest Hemingway up there."
When asked what the Zwinkie's had in store for the rest of the world, he replied:
"Good question. They are planning to go into the future one month at a time between May and October and grab a Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton for each month and then put them all back here next week just to see how much they can fuck up the US election".