Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Friday, 22 April 2016

image for Hillary: Who Can You Goiter If You Can't Goiter Me?
What Goiter?

BILLINGSGATE POST: Not since the bones of Congelese Prime Minister Patrice Lumumba were found in the stomach X-Rays of Kasavuba Kinshasa in 1961 has there been such an intriguing case of disappearing evidence.

None other than feminist Camille Paglia wrote a scathing column for Salon.com suggesting that Hillary is covering up health issues. Pointing to the large collars Clinton wears and the hacking cough that Mrs. Clinton has had throughout the primary season, Paglia suggests that the Democratic candidate has a goiter condition that she is hiding.

Previous to this, Hillary has attempted to diffuse questions about her cough by suggesting that Bernie Sanders was deliberately ripping off popcorn farts during their debates, and that her coughing spells were triggered by them.

Asked why she didn't light a match to burn the farts off, she replied that, " I feared for the the lives of both the CNN reporters and the audience."

"We have seen enough of the damage suicide bombers can inflict on innocent people. I want no part of that. If Bernie Sanders thinks he can further his cause by disrupting my thyroid gland, it only proves what lengths he will go to turn America into another Gulag."

NOTE: If this article doesn't win the Pulitzer Prize for the BILLINGSGATE POST, all bets are off the table.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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