Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Tuesday, 5 April 2016

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Team Mascot

BILLINGSGATE POST: Reports that ISIS has just recently named President Obama as their ISIS Team Mascot have been confirmed.

The reclusive leader of the Islamic State of Iraq and Greater Syria (ISIS) issued a dramatic SHOUTOUT to Barack Hussein Obama. With the release of an audio recording attributed to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, he congratulated the president:

"Do not think that we have forgotten about you. It has been so kind of you not to refer to ISIS as an Islamic terrorist group and offend a billion Muslim pacifists who are afraid to condemn us for beheading innocent Christians in the line of duty."

"To show our appreciation for your magnanimous gesture, I hereby name you ISIS Team Mascot. Be confident that Allah will grant victory to those who worship him and that your position as Team Mascot will be carried forward, even if the infidel, Donald Trump, is elected president."

NOTE: Abu Bakr al-Baghadi was TIME 2014 Person of the Year Runner-up. The winner was the Ebola Fighters.

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