Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 27 March 2016

image for Apple Refuses to Share Mind-Reading Software With FBI
No cooperation

In a press release held Thursday morning, FBI investigator Tracey McCall expressed her frustration at Apple's refusal to cooperate with the San Bernardino shooting investigation:

"We know that they install mind-reading software in all of their iPhones. We know that it can't be defeated by meditative techniques, divine intervention, or aluminum foil headgear. We are certain that it could aid in our investigation, yet Apple refuses to allow us to use it to peer into the minds of the two shooters. What an unpatriotic bunch of sissies!"

In a carefully prepared statement on Apple's corporate website, CEO Tim Cooke calmly replied: "The FBI is asking us to open a Pandora's Box here. If we give them the key to our mind-reading technology, next they'll want in on our mind-control technology. I'm sure the American public can breathe easier knowing that these capabilities are safe in the hands of a trusted corporation, out of the reach of government agents. That is why, metaphorically speaking, we fart in the FBI's general direction and pelt them with Rice Krispies too."

Make Vlad D.M. Paylaw's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 4?

6 4 9 7
33 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more