Written by Lyndon
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Saturday, 5 March 2016

image for 'Trump University taught valuable lessons,' says former student. 'Like Trump is an asshole.'
Eric Eimer sets his degree from Trump University on fire.

NEW YORK, Ny - The line of students claiming that the education they received from Trump University was as worthless as the bogus brochures that first enticed them is about as long as a Trump Tower turned on its side.

In two sworn depositions taken in the last two months, Donald Trump admitted repeatedly that he had no idea who was "teaching" classes at Trump University, even though his advertising materials depict Trump claiming that he'd hand-picked these individuals.

Instructors even recited speeches at events in which they said that Mr. Trump had regaled them with stories at group dinners. Said one former instructor, Perry Winkler, "Seriously, the closest I've ever come to having dinner with Mr. Trump was eating a TV dinner while watching The Apprentice.

Former graduate, Eric Eimer, admits that he spent $60,000 on his Trump University education. In reaction to Mr. Trump's testimony that he "retains no real estate techniques beyond what has been published in his books," Eimer said, "Nice to know I could've bought one of Trump's books for $10 on Amazon and gotten the same bullshit.

"I think I'll go out and vote Democrat now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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