Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Saturday, 5 March 2016

image for Republican Candidates for President Pressured to Release Their Anatomical Endowments
"I'm huge! Huge!"

Detroit, MI--After Donald Trump revealed at the Republican debate that he was "huge," in response to Marco Rubio's implicit criticism of the size of his genitals, all of the candidates now vying for the Republican nomination are being asked to release all records related to their anatomical endowments.

Following Mr. Trump's announcement at the Republican debate Thursday night that he was huge, a skeptical Marco Rubio asked "Big Donald" to prove it, but before Mr. Trump could pull down his fly, one of the moderators, Megyn Kelly, pleaded with Trump, "Oh, Mr. Trump. Please don't go there!"

To which Marco Rubio, or "Little Marco," as Trump called him, challenged his chief rival with, "C'mon, Big Donald! Whip it out and prove that you're huge."

Intervened John Kasich at that point, "Look now. I'm the adult in the room. There's a time and a place for measuring who is man enough to run this nation of 323 million, and it's not on a debate stage in Detroit, Michigan. Maybe, after the debate tonight, we can let Fox News' Steve Doocy get out a tape measure and settle this once and for all."

But Ted Cruz would have none of this, holding his hand over his crotch and thundering (from Deuteronomy 23: 1): "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD," to which all the other candidates and the moderators just looked kind of puzzled.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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