Written by Ossurworld
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Sunday, 28 February 2016

Whitey Bulger has added to his criminal resume. In case you missed the blaring headlines in the Boston newspapers and online, we want to make certain you heard that Whitey Bulger has been sent to solitary confinement.

It appears the 85-year old inmate did what you probably only can do in solitary of a sexual nature.

Yes, federal prisons forbid masturbation - but only if the lights are on. Prison is hard time for sure.

There is no word if Whitey has an audience-er, we mean cellmate.

The good news here is that at age 85 there is a glimmer of a sex life, even in the most hardened criminals.

The bad news here is that Whitey will be forced to spend time alone in solitary. Whatever will he do?

Since this blog usually deals with sports or movies, we can only say we are sorry that Johnny Depp was unable to do this important coda to the Bulger story in Black Mass.

We suppose only director Andy Warhol could film a scene like this, but there are plenty of actors who could play it out in make up, approximating being a sexagenarian, or whatever you might call a self-abuser in his dotage.

Prison guards are now insisting that Bulger keep his hands where guards can see them. They have promised not to shoot first.

We normally do a longer blog, but this subject stumped us in three minutes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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