Washington, D.C. - Donald Trump has just finished building the Mexico-U.S. wall, which is officially the tallest wall on Earth and, perhaps, the universe. This will go down in history as one of the most impressive engineering feats of mankind.
The Trump Wall is doorless, lined with diamond-studded gold barbed wire, and while only 1-foot thick it stands tall at 62.1 miles, with the last mile requiring a short trip into space.
Mr Trump said that he decided to build the wall so that it stands slightly above the Kármán Line - or the boundary between the Earth's atmosphere and outer space - because space travel is becoming cheaper at an alarming rate and he wants to ensure that illegal immigration to the U.S. is impossible for most people for decades to come.
Even for legal immigration, of which Mr Trump is a strong advocate, experts estimate the cost to be prohibitively high for all but the richest 1% of Mexico's population.
At press time, we learned of rumors that extraordinarily long and strong white columns are being built in New York. Some claim that these are for a White House that will be elevated into space, which some are calling the "Space House". When questioned about this, Mr Trump simply said "I guess you'll just have to wait and see".