New York - Prominent East Side dry cleaning magnate George Jefferson and his wife Weezy have offered support to Dr. Ben Carson's troubled presidential campaign. Speaking from their Deluxe Apartment In The Sky today, the Jeffersons urged Dr. Carson to continue with his campaign despite his disappointing showing in Iowa. Carson's bid has stalled recently due to a lack of "fresh clothes", according to the candidate's staffers.
Mr. Jefferson, a longtime pro-business Republican, generously extended his "Any 3 Items for $9.99" special to Dr. Carson until the November election or until Carson drops out of the race. Mr. Jefferson noted that suits count as 3 items and that the Wednesday Senior Citizen 10% Discount could not be used with the special.
Mrs. Weezy Jefferson also offered $500 in Starbucks gift cards, citing growing concerns that Carson will sleep through the rest of his campaign. Oddly, Mrs. J ended her comments with a stern warning about "frying fish in the kitchen and burning beans on the grill". The Carson campaign indicated they would watch out for such hazards in the future and thanked the Jeffersons for their support.