Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Monday, 11 January 2016

image for Ted Cruz Changes His Name To "Air Force One"
Major Amos B. Hoople

BILLINGSGATE POST: "I will never have a plane with my name on it," said Ted Cruz in comparing himself to rival Don Trump; "unless I am elected president and change my name to Air Force One."

"EGAD FAP! KAFF KAFF!..WHEEEZ! GULP! GLUG GLUG!" Whenever there appears to be a comprehensive misunderstanding as to the intent of a politician, I always fall back to what Major Amos Barnaby Hoople once said when addressing a convention of tin horn cowboys who had been rode hard and put away wet the evening before:

"HAR-R-RUMF! SPUTT!* Would any of you imbeciles be interested if I could pull a few strings and get some chickadees to take the cold edge off your chisels this morning? KAFF-Kaff! WHEEEZ, GLUG-GLUG!"

*For an interpretation of this story, please refer to Being and Nothingness, an Ontology by Jean-Paul Sartre. It should explain everything you need to know about this story and its relationship to time and space.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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