Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Tuesday, 29 December 2015

image for The Whip Woman Lashes Out At Lash LaRue
Whip Woman

BILLINGSGATE POST: This story may appeal to those who think below the belt. But only for a moment. Allow me to digress.

If you wonder who the Whip Woman is, it's not that important; at least for the moment. The real story is about Lash LaRue. How many of you know the name of his horse? It's important. Obviously, you have heard of Tom Mix and Cement and Bob Steele and Cattle. Cowboy heroes both, these two rode herd on the backs of their respective mounts in the 40's and 50's in many a Saturday matinee thriller.

Lash LaRue was different, though. Instead of having a 45 caliber hog leg strapped to his thigh, he carried a bull-whip on his saddle horn. He starred in many matinee shit-kickers, including King of the Bullwhip and Law of the Lash. Later in his life, he taught Harrison Ford how to use a bullwhip in the Indiana Jones movies. LaRue was one of the first recipients of the Golden Boot Awards in 1983.

There was nothing romantic about Lash, other than his whip, which he used on conniving women who dared to ride his pony. It was said that his faithful mount was named Black Diamond by a cowgirl squeeze he called Chisels because of her cold steel hard body. Because LaRue was as limp as his whip, Chisels named him Lash. His given name was Al. To be sure, Black Diamond was more of a stud than Lash, thus the name.

Enough about Lash LaRue. The Whip Woman is a lost 1928 silent film that starred Estelle Taylor and Hedda Hopper. No one really knows who whipped whom, but Loretta Young was in the movie. Perhaps she was ornery enough to merit a good whipping, being fifteen at the time. Nothing out of the ordinary. Spare the whip and spoil the child.

Which brings us to the title of the new movie currently being filmed, The Whip Woman Lashes Out At Lash LaRue In this modern day thriller, The Whip Woman is being played by Hillary Rodham Clinton. You guessed it; Lash LaRue is being played by the counter-whipping Donald Trump.

There are no romantic scenes in this movie. The whip-lashing heroine is not saved by a gallant Lash LaRue astride a charging Black Diamond. Although his words seem hollow as he speaks of how he cherishes women; with due respect, how can the lovable Lash be expected to cherish a card-carrying, robotic, gerbil loving troll?

How does this movie play out in the end? Only the Doctor knows.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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