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Sunday, 20 December 2015

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MANCHESTER, NH--Sitting in council with her advisers in preparation for her debate with Bernie Sanders, Imperial Commander Clinton dismissed any claims that Sanders' campaign posed a threat to her own, declaring that the Clinton Machine was "media-shielded and carries funding power greater than half the Congress."

"Until we win several victories in the primaries, we are vulnerable," said Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee. "Sanders is too well-liked. He's more dangerous than you realize."

"Dangerous to your campaign, Governor. Not to the Clintons," snapped the Gore Wars veteran as she surveyed the vast stretch of voter support her empire spanned. "Fear will keep the delegates in line. Fear of me and my husband."

"And what of the data breach?" demanded former Virginia Senator Jim Webb. "If the Sanders campaign has obtained a technical readout of our proprietary voter files, it is possible, however unlikely, that they could find a weakness and exploit it."

"Any attack by Sanders against this campaign would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained." Clinton sneered, as if the very possibility was comical. "This campaign is now the ultimate power in the D.N.C. I suggest we use it."

At press, Clinton was overheard saying to an aide, "Concede? In our moment of triumph?"

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