Written by Chris Paxman
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Monday, 16 November 2015

image for Ben Carson Relocates To The Future Where Everything Is Rosy
It's Carson Time

Ben Carson was thought to be keeping a low profile after no one had seen him for several days. The campaign trail seemed to run out of road. Phone calls from friends and trusted aides were not returned.

Republican officials have now released a statement confirming the unthinkable - Carson has moved to the future where things are much better, thanks.

Dogged by stories of relationships with convicted fraudsters and mocking of his faith, it seems the Republican candidate has had enough of the here and now and doesn't have the patience to build a better future.

The latest stories doing the rounds suggest those in the higher echelons of the party are the only ones in contact with Mr Carson, and report that he is doing well. When incredulous journalists asked how this was possible, a spokesperson said, 'It's very simple. You dial nine to get an outside line, then one to place a call to the future, followed by Ben's home number and a password set up before he left.'

It is thought that Mr Carson has relocated to the very end of 2016, partly to get a nice New Year's celebration in, but also because the elections are over and he is President of the United States. Yes, reports have it that he went to the future to see if he won so he would know if it was worth carrying on with all the hassle from the media. Once he found out he'd won he felt duty bound to stick around and be Prez.

His party in the present day have used this information to take the campaign in a new direction. 'By going to post-election USA we have confirmation that voting for him is/was the right thing to do. He'll know if you didn't vote for him so protect your own future and vote Carson,' said his campaign manager.

While some Democrats accepted the result, others were not so easily convinced and pointed to tabloid photographs apparently showing Mr Carson in the UK.

These allegations have since been refuted. A party official said, 'If Joseph can build some bloody big pyramids to store his dinner, why can't Ben travel to the future?'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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