Written by Amiko Aventurista
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Tuesday, 10 November 2015

image for Trump Jury Duty Could End Trial By Jury in The US
As Amended

For the first time in American legal history, a jury has petition the U.S. Congress to eliminate the six amendment to the constitution--the right to a trial by a jury of one's peers. This stunning development occurred last night in New York. Jurors took this unprecedented step after failing to reach a verdict during 13 days of deliberations.

What makes this case all the more unusual is the presence of Donald Trump. Although Trump was not selected as a jurist, he asserted his right to be on the jury and the Supreme Court agreed. Mr. Trump introduced a new legal theory-"Ego fatebor" or I own it, in English.

The court ruled Trump was entitled to participate because he owns the court house building. The judgment was 7-1 in favor of Mr. Trump; Justice Thomas did not participate because he did not make the cut of Celebrity Apprentice and was still sore about it. Writing for the majority, Chief Justice Roberts stated, "…hey, it's a rich-man's world and he owns the place".

A jubilant Trump held a 45 minute press conference proclaiming the virtues of being rich. "It's obvious I should be allowed in, after all the building is named, Trump Legal Palace".

The case involved a ticket infraction for jay walking. Jurist could not agree whether, Strass Benditto, was guilty but they all agreed the jury system needs to be eliminated. Jury foreman, Robin Lee, said, "serving on a jury with Trump was tyranny. Perhaps we should reexamine the idea of trial by ordeal". As usual, Mr. Trump was unrepentant. "Look, I own that street and if Benditto wants to cross in the crosswalk or the middle, I should decide, not 12 knuckle heads who have never made a few billions dollars".

Members of the Freedom Carcass express 100% support for the constitutional amendment to end trial by jury. Speaking for the Freedom Carcass, Paul Ryan stated "Trump is right, why should ordinary people have the right to opine on important public matters. We need to be true to our founding fathers--they had it right. Only white men with property. That's what a trial of my peers would look like."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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